I can't stop.

I watched 4 - no 3 episodes last night - what the fuck is wrong with me? i already know - you don't need to tell me. I did practice my uke a bit and sing a little and I took the dog on a loooong walk. Ugh - I'm just no good at serious structure being imposed by myself. I need a life manager. I got to write a little bit here today. I'm trying to just do the job I'm supposed to do and not do extra work that no one asked me to do. Right? I'm waiting for this guy to show up and pick up a head shot from me. Yesterday when he was here waving at me from across the street I thought he was waving at someone else. I forgot I told him to meet me here to pick it up and I was like "Awww - that man is so cute - I'm pretending he is smiling at me but he's probably smiling at his family behind me." Turns out he was smiling at me and when I told him I thought maybe he was maybe my husband he said - in the GAAAAAYEST voice "Well - you never know!!! A sense of humor is very important to me!!!" Then he hugged me and said "Byyyeeee - niiice toooo meeeet you!!" Do you know the craziest part?? I'm still thinking maybe we could be together!! What the serious fuck is that? He even had gay teeth. Okay - deep breath - it was so nice he wasn't completely pissed off that I forgot the headshot. I want to sing a song on Saturday night but I feel like I'm cheating. Why? I wrote the song - it's funny and I am doing comedy Saturday night. Why do I always feel like I am cheating if I do something that might work performance wise? I impose these rules on myself that don't exist - just like with here. Fucking bizarre. I am trying to check my intentions. I have to fill up the time and that is a great way to fill up the time. I guess I just think it should be a more present day song. Christ - neurotic at it's best. Ruminate, ruminate. bye Blueberry - love you SO FUCKING MUCH. Too much? I appreciate you being here - how about that? I wish I were a more productive member of society. Bye.