So I just went and

spoke at this meeting - where I was a mess because I am a mess. Two things people said that I found so interesting - 3 things. The first was a girl who said she feels like a little kid (and I guess she has 4 years sober?) because she doesn't want to put herself to bed, eat the right food or take care of herself. Fascinating!! It never occurred to me that putting myself to bed is actually a grown-up thing to do. It also still fascinated me that EVERYTHING isn't an act of God. Like I need to be divinely inspired to even put myself to sleep. Jesus. Okay - the other thing was a woman after the meeting who said she used to be so much better at certain things before she got sober. Better cook, better house cleaner - better cat care taker. But she said the inside wasn't good - of her. I just realized that because she is taking better care of her she has nothing for those other things? I don't know - I'm so uncomfortable and even this typing hurts my shoulders. The 3rd thing was a woman who said she also has Lyme and how she attributes it to a lot of her depression. Whatever - I will get better - I really believe in the Snake Doctor and right now is just not a good time. I'm going to lie down and pray and meditate and be grateful I have the time to take care of myself. I think I need to be very gentle and easy on myself right now. Just breathe and take it easy. Things are going to shift and change and it will be okay. Okay - bye.