Thursday, March 22, 2012

Well.

Well last night I went to this workshop - okay - a seminar? I paid $45.00 to audition (read 2 pages of sides) for literally 4 minutes with this guy who works at Fox. I mean - he was a total sweetheart and the sides were actually really funny - buuuut - what? I was a disaster by the time I got there and I got there WAY too fucking early. I trained a girl here yesterday and that was so stressful. The whole time I was training her she was asking me personal questions. I mean REALLY personal and STARING at me. She was actually fine (minus the mustache - what the fuck is THAT?) and thank GOD someone else will be working here but....I walked to the "audition" and so I was - Christ I don't know. It was just really awkward - I told him the teacher I was working with and he was NOT impressed - at all. I hadn't taken a shower yesterday - I woke up too late. Okay - here is the thing - I'm tired, I'm unshowered and I didn't get o pray or meditate. I did eat a yogurt and a nut bar instead of the bacon omelet I was going to get. There's some progress. I got completely fucked up by picking up this Monday here - totally threw off my schedule. When will I believe that me saying no because it isn't good for me will actually reap more rewards. Another good part is that someone else is taking the next 2 Mondays and I never have to do them again and I never will. That being said - what? I don't know. I wish I could go for a walk, pray & meditate, take a shower and then take a nap. I'm doubting this whole acting thing again. Well - okay - look if I decide I don't want to do it - fine - from a place of power. Okay - I can't decide yet and I can't decide anything until I am in a clean, fresh place. I'm so lonely - so tired of sleeping alone. My heart center is so closed. People keeping stopping to look at the clothes - act like they want to come in - look at me and then walk away with a weird look on their face. I still have to call Quickbooks again and I just don't want to. You know the craziest part? I'm so lucky that this is what I'm dealing with. These are the problems I'm trying to work out. I just have to have faith and trust. Trust and believe that saying no is the right thing to do. No qualms about it.

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