I have no drawers.

I mean isn't that strange? I just realized it - I have nothing to put anything in. In class he was talking about draining ourselves out and filling ourselves up with the character. I went home and I was looking around and I was like holy shit I have shelves but no drawers. It's so symbolic of me having no place inside of me even to put things. I don't even have a desk - I have a table. It's so fucking crazy. I deserve drawers. I deserve compartments to help make my life easier and cleaner. Neater - I'm pretty clean. It's amazing my room isn't a complete disaster. So crazy. I said that already. I woke up so mad about the cigarette smoke and I felt so sick and then I remembered the snake doctor said that if I find a way to get my power back over the situation - it will probably change. So I prayed and meditated and got myself ready for work. I really did feel better. I need to get my power back about a lot of things. Is this me being easier on myself? I have no idea. Today is a day where I feel like I am taking myself verrrrryyy seriously. I'm tired and I'm lonely. When is this cold going to go away? It feels like it hasn't even really gotten better!!You want to know the craziest thing? Princess Boris asked me how my job was last night. I was like - which one - even though I knew he was just asking because he wants me to somehow sell his purses here. His purses and leather teddy bear. He has never even asked me how I am - he was just trying to get me to help him. He was being really "cute" and giggling and now this is making my stomach hurt. I went upstairs after telling him I would show her some photos of his stuff if he wanted and he was already outside smoking under my window. How hilarious, sad and awful is that? Well the good part of this story is that I called this real estate guy today and he is going to send me more listings. I should go and work more here. Okay - bye - I have on a cute dress. Love you Bluebie.