I can't sleep

and I have never been able to sleep well. Do you know why?? I heard you say I don't care but I'm telling you anyway - I have crazy dreams. I always have. I get scared to go to sleep because I don't feel safe and my dreams scare the shit out of me. Okay - they disturb me is more like it AND they are quite action packed so I really just don't feel rested. I hardly ever don't dream. I dream in color and I have recurring dreams that have continued on. Like a tv show or a movie or a really annoying way to dream. Part of the time it fascinates me and I always tell my therapist about them. She says they are fascinating also. Does she mean it? I have no idea. Sometimes I dream musicals - songs and all. Sometimes I have this dream where I'm drinking and EACH time I have drank secretly for longer. Like months - and each time I think I have to stop lying. It's horrendous. The last time I had the dream I was really getting shit faced and I was sucking down the drinks and thinking - I HAVE to go back and count days. I have to admit I'm drinking. I'm so miserable - but this drink is so delicious. ANd I was slurping at the ice with my straw. The other morning I dream that I was pregnant with a baby boy and I went to the party where I was meeting the babies father for the first time. He was tan and muscled and I thought how we would make a cute baby. Then he went to touch my belly and the baby moved around - like to be born and a gun fire chase broke out. I had to run to a house to be safe and I was helping other people but I knew I was strong enough. We get to a house - escaping the flying bullets and then someone sets the house on fire. So I put everyone in the basement and just as the fire seems to be going out or not working as far as destroying the safety of the house I see someone being stabbed outside the door. Then the guy doing the stabbing stops and gived the guy who is getting stabbed a nice calm lesson on how to stab people well. It really seemed like the stabee appreciated it. DID I SAY ALL THIS BEFORE??? Chriiiist - I'm crazy. Maybe I will sleep now. I redecorated you blog - you look so cute!!!