Okay - so

I didn't write on here last night because my roommate was staying up here in one of the rooms and he would be able to hear me type and it makes uncomfortable. As I wrote that sentence I realized that that is probably an excuse - but I am SUPER sensitive and for some reason he listens and it creeps me out. I feel so badly for not going to that service yesterday but honestly I could not wake up and more than that it would have been very hard for me. Well honestly I couldn't wake up. So whatever after that. I could have handled it. I - ugh and now my landlord is playing that guzcheng. It's so awful - just - twangy and upsetting. You really do have to be narcissistic in order to play a really not so easy to listen to instrument in the middle of the house and assume everyone likes it. How do you not shut a door? Then he stopped. That unnerves me also because he only played for 3 minutes. Anyway - oh boy - I started out negatively. It's an absolutely beautiful day. Now when they wake me up I turn on the fan and what an amazing trick that is!! I totally can sleep. So that's great except I'm just waking up and having coffee and it's 3:25 p.m. So I want to beat myself up already. Christ - that is so harsh. Here is something positive - I worked last night and when my negative thoughts started I just turned them into positive ones. Yes indeed. I just said I am going to make money - everything is okay. So I made okay money and I got a free meal from the club although no more Chinese - I felt so weird afterwards. See - I feel like he is listening again. I need to pray and meditate. I'm listening to him listening to me and complaining about it. Yeesh. I dreamed about him again!! I've dreamed about him before but I dreamed about him. He kissed me on the cheek in my dream and then my forehead. It was so sweet and loving. Really - cute. I was like - oh he likes me. We were just saying goodbye and so I reached for the cheek kiss but then he kissed my forehead. How funny. Ahh - he I like - I really do. I just need to smell him - although I almost bumped into him at the meeting the other day and it was hot - hot??? it was nice to be close to him. Nice to be close to him???? Right - um - it startled me and I REALLY want to make it into something else. I hope my therapist is healing really well right now. I can't wait for October 4th when she comes back!!!