Okay here's how September 15th went:

okay. Ha!! You thought I would be more dramatic didn't you? Nope - it was just okay and I'm glad I did what I did. I brought a friend to the women's meeting and I shared and told how stuck and gross I feel. The meeting was awesome and I learned a lot. I just need to give it up right now. I do. That's the only thing that sounds right. And we went to her apartment afterwards so I could meet her dog and when her boyfriend got back to the apartment he said I should put together a 15 minute set and they would give me some gigs. So nice!!!! Okay - so - hello. I'm so tired - I came home because I wanted to after that and I cleaned and did my laundry. I saw the episode of the show I have been freaking out over. Does that make any sense at all? No - it doesn't so who cares but this is what I need to say. It wasn't so amazing and I wasn't that jealous. Or let's just say I wasn't jealous. It was no big deal. At all. So anyway - I tried to take care of myself by comeing home and cleaning. It was easier this time because I didn't wait to long to do it. Now I need to clean me - I'm a dirty girl. PMS is me. I have a lot of pimples on my face. And one right on the end of my nose - it's RED. One woman at the meeting said that when she tried to pick things in her life - even her friends - it would never work. Careers - all of it. And that she has spent 90% of her life waiting now. Well then there you go. I'm done - I'm done picking. NONE of my picking has ever worked. The only things so far that I have ever done right is get sober and stop doing other things that really weren't working and felt badly. So. So I give it up. I really do. I'm not meant to be doing the picking so - all of it - the guys, the career, the whatever - forget it. And I mean forget it in a good way. I just can't anymore - it feels wrong. I don't even express myself honestly because I'm worried about what a guy thinks. ME "picking" gets in the way of everything. So - oh well and that's okay. It's weird - I thought being sober would be easier and lighter in a way. Or not - as long. Haha - time goes by so much more slowly. Jesus - my landlord just got home and SLAMMED the door so loudly. Then he like RAN up the stairs. Oh well his creepy friend who steals all the knives is here. Staying inhis room. She pays him in marijuana. She's suck a creep. One time she stayed here and walked around all quietly when he was here and then when he left - she roamed the halls and was really loud and different. I know - it's creepy that I sit here and listen to all of this. but - well when I interact with all the people I get crazy - it's to much. This makes no sense. I need to sleep early - I'm glad he is back. I guess if she needs knives that badly she should have them.