I wasn't saying something I feel like I need to say.

I know you are waiting with bated breath. I don't feel like I have a sense of myself and I feel like I need a man in order to have a sense of myself. I KNOW I KNOW!!! It's awful - I'm going to barf. It's not what I think, but it is what I feel - or is it?? I just still feel like I am waiting for someone to come along and make me WANT to be something or help GUIDE me in the direction of my true calling - my life I have been waiting my whole life for. Gross. I feel like - this is ridiulous. I'm trying to set myself free - and the truth shall set you free. Look - I love my parents but I feel like in some way they - didn't quite see me for who I am and what is special about me - and tell me to nurture that and becaome what I LOVE and what FEELS good for me. Nothing is stopping me now and they have been soooo supportive in my life for a LONG time. But I told myself today that my life is like this because - of them. What bullshit. I feel like I need to BREAK OUT of this shell - out of this - thing around me. How do I shake this off?? I am carrying around a bullshit shell. Maybe they planted the seed - they didn't mean to though - and now I'm the one who has been nurturing it. MEDITATE. PRAY. LOVE. DANCE. SMILE.