Proud of myself.

I am really struggling with getting my power back - it just simply has never fully happened.  No matter how many articles and books I read - I still feel like shit about myself a lot and I still say yes when I mean no and blah, blah blah.  Well I saw that older creepy man on the subway tonight on my way home - the one that stroked my back in the meeting and then made those monkey sounds at me in the supermarket.  Well I saw him and I was already sitting down when I saw him so I sat.  I sat and I was reading anyway so that was fine.  Then I panicked and thought "Oh no - we get off at the same stop - oh no - I don't want to talk to him - oh no!!"  Then I realized - I don't have to - at all - I can say hi and walk away.  I owe this man nothing and more than THAT - he creeped me out not once - but twice and the second time counts as a double because he made monkey sounds at me.  Anyway - so that was what I did - he said hi all creepy and I said hi - politely and I walked away.  Yeah.  Great - one small victory.  I just made myself dinner - chicken stew and I sautéed some green beans in garlic.  Simple and delicious.  I made the chicken stew on Sunday night in the crock pot.  I've said it before and I will say it again - I get so much joy out of cooking.  I loved coming home and cutting up vegetables and putting it all together.  I have to be honest - cutting up that chicken almost did me in - for real it's so fucking gross.  How in the fuck do people do it?  So gross - SO GROSS.  I did it though and guess what?  I will never do it again!  Maybe I will - who knows.  I tried to get the guy behind the meat counter to cut it up for me but he wouldn't.  Jerk - haha - he was so confused why I didn't want to cut it up myself - okay anyway the stew came out great - a chicken, sweet potato stew.  I have to do the dishes before I lose my gumption for it.  Love you Bluebie bye.