My uncle just died.

Ugh - why do these things always have to happen around the holidays?  He was an alcoholic - terrible - I honestly don't even know how he lived this long.  So - I just have felt so sad the last few days....I saw a weird thing on the street - I don't know - I just knew something was going to happen.  Oh - he must have been in so much pain.  He has been in and out of hospitals for years.  He would detox and get out and go right back to drinking - just couldn't get out of the cycle.  I hope he is in a better place - I hope he is relieved of the pain and suffering.  I just don't know what else to write - I feel so sad and I feel more grateful than ever that I am in the program - that I have been given the gift of sobriety - and it is - for me - a gift.  I am not waiting for a drug dealer right now and I'm not sloppy drunk humping a radiator by myself while I watch Dancing With The Stars.  Good fucking lord.  Good Jesus fucking Lord.  I had my last night at the comedy club tonight and they fucking called me off.  I had said I didn't wan to come in earlier in the week and my friend said I should come in - that they needed to get me a goodbye cake or pizza.  Then at the last minute tonight he was like - oh it's slow - we don't need you.  HA - ugh.  The place were I really bottomed out - that comedy club and that Bed and Breakfast.  Those 2 places are behind me now and my poor uncle is dead.  Ugh - life is so tender - so - what I don't know - I'm crying.  My poor uncle is dead and I'm making it about me.  I didn't even know him really - I just feel sad what can I say.  I ordered Chinese food.  I'm going to get myself ready for bed and paint my nails.  You know what I'm going to do?  I'm going to pray.  I'm going to pray and just love.  That's all.  Okay bye.