What the fuck am I doing?

Seriously?? I'm funny right? Sometimes? Who cares? Why am I still waitressing? This is fucking torture - I'm so fucking tired. I almost had a nervous breakdown tonight and I hardly really worked. I was so upset that I ate twizzlers, soda, soda, pizza, pizza, sweet and sour chicken with rice and just now a pint of Boston Cream Pie ice cream. Writing that made me want to laugh and cry. Seriously - what the fuck? I worked with that older woman tonight and watching her waitress is like looking at the ghost of Christmas future and it's so fucking scary. Holy shit. What am I doing? I can't keep doing this. I feel like I aged 10 years over this one weekend. For what? I have to really meditate and figure out what the fuck I'm doing. I really feel like I can never go back again and I'M FUCKING BORED!!! This is so boring I'm so OVER IT!!! Fucking fuck. I have to regroup - rethink...I really I don't know. I think I ate something else. I feel so gross. I have to go to sleep. I took care of myself today except not enough sleep. I need to go to sleep right now because I have to run that meeting tomorrow and I have therapy tomorrow night. I'm lost - I really feel lost. This all suddenly seems so insane. Living here, getting older, having no real job or trajectory. What the fuck am I doing? Come on - this sucks and I mean that in a self loving way. CHRIIIISSSSSTTTT!!!!! Bye.