I changed the name back.

I realized that it sounded negative somehow the new title but more than THAT I realized I wasn't really changing it because there can only be the one title (or URL or whatever it's called) sooo I might as well accept this title. Also now that I changed the background I like it better. I just wanted something cooler. Like I saw one called "Pacing in the Panic Room." Let's see yesterday it sounded so great and today it sounds neurotic. Is it because it's raining? Am I feeling nostalgic? What is the saying? "Waxing nostalgic?" Probably not. They are fucking up the street out in front of the house. That must have to suck working in the rain. Unless they like that kind of work. Work in the rain I mean. We used to have to work on the farm in the rain. Planting Christmas trees in the rain. Or whatever the work was. Garden, hauling wood, taking care of the animals. I walked to the store today and I had the same reaction I always do to getting wet and dirty. At first I don't like it and then I end up loving it and thinking it's fun. I used to feel the same way on the farm. I guess it is fair to say it takes me awhile to warm up to anything. Like for example right now Cretona started playing the piano and that is going to take me awhile to warm up to. Like an eternity or until he actually gets good or adds a different amount of soul to - OR - learns how to do it silently. If he could play the piano silently I would love it. I would support his silent piano playing with all my heart and soul!! I think those guys smoking out front - the workers on the street are whose cigarettes I'm smelling. I have no idea. I'm trying to accept it. Oh Blueb - what the heck? I don't even mean that as heavily as I usually do. I feel a slight shift in my psyche. I feel a little bit lighter. I'm honestly just tired of being depressed and upset. Hold on I have to take my vitamins. I watched the Jewel of The Nile the other night. Hmmm - I would love to just write all the time. Well I have to be honest the only thing I know right now is that I want to keep feeling better and I am taking MAJOR action towards that. Then I would also like to have a relationship and make a living doing something I love and feel passionate about. And have fun doing. I would like to trust that the Universe will reveal it to me. Trust in God? Wow that's hard for me to write let alone do. Brrr - rainy and cold. I used to smoke so much pot on these days. Then go right back to bed and take a cab to work!!! What?? I'm not even kidding. And a lot of times I would drink also. Just get a nice, gross buzz on, get high and sleep. EWWWWWWW - ewwwww. Okay and awwww. And OH MY GOD I AM SO GRATEFUL I AM NOT DOING THAT ANYMORE!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!! THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!! I hear seagulls - how bizarre. I want to find a pretty picture and add it to this post. I love you Blueberry!! Welcome back :):):) Okay I added apicture of the farm in the rain from last early summer. Smile again.