Monday, July 7, 2014
Long slow recovery.
This relationship is an amazing opportunity for all my issues to come up and for me to slow the fuck down and just keep recovering - while they do. I mean holy SHIT FUCKING BALLS. I tried to make that one word and it autocorrected it into 3. What the fuck? Well anyway - the weekend at my parents and with my family was so nice - they were nice - he was nice - no meltdowns and we went to meetings everyday. I waited until last night when we got back to be an a-hole and then I felt sick all day about it. Here's the thing though. I called people. I talked to ladies and then I went to a meeting tonight as soon as I got back into my neighborhood. I went and got soda water afterwards and then talked to another lady. It feels good to be back in my apartment and - well - what am I suppose to suddenly not have all the issues I've had my whole life in relationships? And - well - what the fuck - even people that aren't drunks and drug addicts have issues when they get closer to people. Whatever - my real point is that I am having a long, slow recovery - haha - nothing is happening overnight and I'm glad. I'm really fucking glad. Now I'm going to sleep because I am so fucking tired - I could not sleep last night at his house. I was upset and mad and taking drama to a whole new level. Actually I was taking HIS feeling and HIS experience to a whole new level. What the fuck is that? Okay - well - I'm not sure if I'm making any sense but amen. Love you Bluebie. ps I also apologized for not being nice and kind to him - twice. Barf I'm embarrassed.