Profound morning......

or so it seems to me.  I wanted to write right away before I get distract by googling symptoms about being tired.  Ha - anyway - I woke up a little late but I still took care of myself and the dog and packed myself food for the day.  I put on clean clothes and half did my hair.  I got to work a half hour late but so what?  No one is here and I would have felt horrible if I didn't shower and take care of the dog.  But I did the same thing last night.  I mean - I took care of myself.  I went home after the meeting - loved the dog - took care of her and then made myself dinner.  Then I did the dishes and took care of myself before bed.  I did a little yoga, I flossed the whole thing.  It has taken me over 3 years to figure out how to get to the layers underneath of my drinking that it's so hard for me to take care of myself - love myself.  Ew - that's so corny.  Eww.  Look - I am finally getting to the layers underneath and it's awesome.  I find great pleasures in the simple things - like making dinner and doing the dishes.  I feel blessed to be able to do that.  That being said I can't always be late to work but I can guarantee that if I didn't get ready I still would have been late only dirty and filled with rage.  I also am realizing the power of my thoughts.  I started to think of someone and I could feel the poison in me.  So I just started to think about the beach and babies.  Ha - how hilarious is that?  I was like "I love the beach - I love babies - oh babies."  Jesus.  So let's see if I can do this all day long.  I'm not allowed to be mean to myself or think negative thoughts about myself or others and when I do I'm going to think about the beach and babies.  And dogs, and fields of grass and pumpkins and - whatever else I need to.  I think I am in a much different place than I was last year at this time - I'm going to look to see what I wrote.  I can even look to see how 2 years ago was!  That seems very profound to me.  Also I found new people to model myself after - new people to be inspired by.  Love you Blueberry.