I want eggs

Eggs are so good - I love eggs. Almost anyway you or I can prepare an egg I like except for soft boiled or sunny side up. Those are revolting ways to eat eggs. I sort of want to describe all the foods I love with eggs in them - like cakes, cookies, souffles, chicken dishes that use eggs for dipping so the crumbs stick to the chicken, lasagna (the way my mother makes it), Caesar salad dressing (THE REAL KIND). I guess I did. I just opened the window and someone is honking their horn so loudly that it is completely distracting me from my egg list. I'm exhausted. I worked 5 nights in a row and last night was too much. There is a new bartender at work who is such a scumbag nasty, sarcastic, AWFUL AWFUL turd that I can't even believe it. And of course he replaced a wonderful sweetheart so it makes him seem even worse. Oh and not funny. I can really forgive - NOW WITH THE PIANO!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!! the landlord is gone and Cretona has taken to typing downstairs where I can't hear it but he still plays that fucking piano - whenever he wants. Okay let's face it - whenever I don't want him to - which is always. I NEVER want to listen to him play - EVER. now I'm playing my itunes music - which I want to blast like I did yesterday - Christ - so immature. I used to play Ke$sha whenever he or the landlord would play their music - but I can't listen to her anymore. I just want to write. I want to write and let this stuff out of me. Why doesn't he leave the fucking house and go talk to someone??? Then he wouldn't need to make noise so that he feels like he exists. He hasn't worked since I have known him. 3 years almost we have lived together and he has never had a job except when he goes "on tour." I actually laughed when I wrote that. Who cares - he can do whatever he wants - good for you Cretona - don't work - hooray for you - just stop invading me with your mediocre music playing. Fuck - I'm an asshole. So this guy at work - let's call him - Turd Bucket - no, no - that's too nice of a name. I have to think for a second. His real name is so ridiculous and he has no sense of humor about it. He also is one of those - I won't tell you how old I am people. I can forgive almost anything if you are funny. And if he was such a douche that it was funny I would love him. But no - he's just a biting, sarcastic weasel who is vulnerable. He is so clearly desperate for money and he's gross. He makes my left shoulder blade feel funny and whenever that happens the person is usually - not okay. Not okay at all. Okay - and here's what happened. My manager asked about a comic who is new to performing there and I was like "oh - he's funny actually!!" And this Turd Bucket goes (and it's his second real shift basically) "Oh - well hey everybody - She thinks he's funny - so he must be!!" But really sarcastic and really nasty. To be fair - on one hand he's right - who the fuck am I? The Comedy Police??? The Comedy Guru?? And he doesn't know me at all and I suppose it sounded dicky on my part. I don't know what else to say. But I love comedy (I'm not proud of that) and I love writing and this guy is a great writer that I was talking about. So I made a really weird face to Turd Bucket and an awful sound and my friend the other bartender laughed. So then Turd Bucket goes - oh I'm sorry - I will give you a big embrace later. CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE??? He wants to hug???? I don't think so Turd - you are done. SO I said (in response to the embrace comment) "No you won't - please don't - thank you anyway." And then my manager laughed. But I wasn't laughing - I was pissed. And hurt!! How silly is that?? My feelings were hurt. He keeps talking to me like I'm an idiot - and then he basically said I was one and then he thought he could "embrace" me??? Fuck off Turd Bucket - you are a NOT funny douche who is clearly in a lot of pain and I can't imagine it's going to get any easier for you. Ugh - my poor ego - so wounded. I have to seriously talk to my therapist today about this. It's not healthy. There has to be a way to deal with this because I get upset when I get like this. And I had been to such a great meeting before that. And I learned an amazing lesson. I got jealous while I was at the meeting - I picked up on an attraction between 2 people and I got SO upset at first. But then I realized how much it pulled me away from myself - the jealousy. It felt like if I was buying something I couldn't afford or drinking or smoking pot. And it had NOTHING to do with me - AT ALL. And it also was nonne of my business. It was relly mind blowing and freeing. I was like - who cares?? So what - this isn't about me - this is just a way for me to stop focusing on myself and on the fact that I have things I need to do to take better care of myself. I'm not sure if I'm making sense or if I'm saying quite how profound it was to me. I have always been so jealous and it has always been so distracting. And painful and not helpful to anything. And it is the perfect way to focus on other people and stop focusing on the work I need to do on myself. Then I get to work and Lollywhamper who has discovered she has a gluten allergy (and talks about it ALL the time) is eating a sandwhich and I was like "Does that have glutten in it??" And she goes - "What the fuck is your problem - I can't eat anything around you with out you asking me if it has gluten in it - no it doens't have gluten in it!!!" And then THAT hurt my feelings because I think I might be allergic to gluten and I told her that - in a very offended, emotional way which was not eefective at all and I was so upset. I think when I get tired I get really aggressive and I get a nasty face on or something. Now I'm going to beat myself up because I work with some douches and live with selfish people? I need to walk the dog and get eggs. I love Dexter and thanks to one of the wonderful OTHER girls I work with I have been able to continue watching him. I do work with soem fantastic people also. Lots of great people. Why do I keep seeing x's?? Because x marks the spot?? I'm so tired. Bye - sorry for being such a grumpy mess. Maybe I will feel better after therapy. P.S. I just put so much effort into talking about WAITRESSING. FUUUUUUuuuuuuuuCCCKKKKK.