Cretona woke me up again today

this time with a combo talking loudly up and down the stairs, banging the dryer door in the laundry room, turning on the stereo AND playing the piano. All at 10:00a.m. And I didn't get to sleep until 4:00 a.m. and by the time he started playing the piano I lost my shit. I threw my pen at the door to my room like 5 times and that made him turn off ONE of the stereos he was playing music on. I didn't realize at that point that he was playing music in 2 rooms (yes plus the piano). Why don't I say anything? I really have no idea what to do. I live in a HOTEL - he has to wake up early to give the guests breakfast and by 10 I guess it feels like 3 in the afternoon? I'm really tired though and I just get filled with venom when I am awoken that way and then it ruins my day. I am all fucked up in the head right now. I already wrote in my journal and I tried to calm down and it didn't work. i walked the dog, went and got eggs and more coffee and I feel like I smoked pot. the rage is like a drug - a drug I didn't want to take. When I came back with my eggs I turned down one of the stereos so right now it's quiet. This isn't funny at all - I'm getting crazy from not enough rest. I talked to myself the whole time I was walking the dog and getting eggs. I'm walking around by myself in Harlem pissed off and talking to myself about him. Because of course as soon as he sees me he wants to CHAT and acts all wounded and hurt that I can't even look at him. If I LOOK at him I will shoot venom out of my eyes and/or FREAK THE FUCK OUT which is NOT A NEUTRAL thing to DO!!!!! I feel like I'm losing this battle with myself. I'm being so hard on myself and I feel like my day is ruined and I don't know. He is probably trying to drive me crazy so I will leave. Well on a positive note I have made it through 12 notebooks reorganizing my jokes. That's a good thing although it's really hard to read these journals and see how crazy I got. How and where it really started to go wrong. Maybe I just can't be honest as a person. I'm going to work on this next notebook - what is the cleaning lady joke?? I can't for the life of me figure it out (remember it) and it's on tons of the joke lists. Bye Blue.