So tired so winter.

It's so winter.  Snowing - I can hear it on the air conditioner.  I have the humidifier on - and I am going to get a new job and and AND - and I don't know.  I took care of myself today.  Worked with my acting teacher, wrote and went to my writing class.  I just flossed and I have in my mouth guard.  I went to the bank to make sure my student loan is paid and I'm in my bed and in my pajamas.  I just don't want to be angry.  I want my fucking power back.  I'm done now - I'm done with this phase of my life.  That's all I know.  I just don't know how to get myself away from this guy except my stomach hurts - it just hurts so it's time.  How do I take care of myself like this without it being complete drama and awful?  I have no idea and I'm going to let it go until Wednesday.  He doesn't try to talk to me anyway - unless I talk to him - not really.  Ugh - so sick to my stomach.  I guess that box of Mac & Cheese I just ate didn't help any.  And for an appetizer I had mint chocolate chip ice cream.  Ouch.  It's okay - it will really be okay - I just have no idea what I'm doing.  I also would really like to stop thinking I am a victim of him because I am not.  It's not god for me - it hasn't been and I'm getting unwell from this so it's time to stop - that's all.  I'm thinking he doesn't even care anyway - which isn't totally true but he has pulled away - so far away.  It's okay - I have no idea how to jut be nice to myself and get away from hi without making him an asshole.  I have to stop writing now.  This sucks my asshole - it really fucking does.  Well - okay - I have learned - a lot.  A real fucking lot - and I'm going to sleep.  Good night sweet Blueberry - I love you.