Waiting.....

to hear about this audition today.  I'm thinking that not hearing from them isn't so good.  She said to expect an email around 6 or 7 - so I won't be in the dark either way.  I'm in the dark though.  It's 6:30 for fuck's sake.  I just looked out my bedroom window and looked down at the super's office and smoke was billowing out the window down there - I'm not kidding - billowing.  I don't know what to do and honestly - they don't always do it but lately it has been so bad again.  It looked like when the steam comes out of a whatever it is called from the dryer?  I wouldn't even care but it makes me feel sick and it puts wrinkles on my face.  I look gross.  Listen - all the donuts, coffee, candy bars, pizza,fries, burgers and - what else?  Hmm - nachos don't help any but this is ridiculous.  I pay a lot of money for rent and it is extremely unpleasant.  Whatever - I guess I should just say something?  Yes - because that worked so well in the last place.  I opened the windows and had a fan in EACH one and it was still so bad.  I need to do laundry but I don't want to - I want to wait and hear from these people.  I was so awkward.  I think I acted okay but I don't know - I couldn't get my hand in my pocket - twice - it was so distracting.  Alright - well I told myself that I will just go again - I will just keep trying and this today was some sort of start.  Was it?  I don't know.  I'm so fucking tired and technically I have been smoking all afternoon - fucking gross.  I did take a nap and I walked the dog, went to a meeting and have the laundry ready to go get done - done by me.  Um - what else is there to say?  I made myself lunch - and last night I made myself a quesadilla when I got home.  After I do laundry I'm going to go get some groceries and I'm making myself guacamole tonight.  Haven't heard from the guy and holy shit - just now I was so ripped up about the smoke and wanting to hear from these people I wasn't even thinking about him.  I wish my sponsor would call me back.  I have so much worrying to do with her.  Ugh - okay - I'm just typing to type.  Bye Bluebie - I love you.