Love and Belief.

So I just read that post title that says "I'm so lonely it hurts."  Wow - well okay - it almost made me laugh so that's good.  I am home from my acting class which was okay but the best part was the epiphany I had there tonight.  I have sort of been working towards this epiphany and it needs to germinate more but this is it.  Well first I must say it was inspired in 2 parts by my sister.  First part the book she sent and the second was the blog post SHE wrote.  I t was about turning points and loving herself.  It was very inspiring and it made me realize I am at a turning point now.  I am at a true point where I can keep - actually I can't - I can't keep going down this road and I don't even want to.  I want to grow pas this part of my life - I'm done.  I suddenly don't feel as upset about the guy.   mean - I will again but there is a freedom I feel.  I came home, made myself tea, fed the dog, strolled the dog in circles.  She's so old that I can't even call it walking.  She strolls and then she goes in circles a lot.  It's what she wants to do and she's happy doing it so whatever.  Now part of this book says a big part of the success of people who get sober is that they BELIEVE they will get sober.  Did I write about this already?  In an effort to save money I am not drinking Starbuck's and so I only had my morning coffee this morning and I am OUT OF IT.  That being said it's great.  What?  Oh - um - ugh - right my epiphany.  So I realized the other day it's been years since I have believed in my art and it's hard to have a fighting spirit when you have no belief.  SO - that's amazing.  Then after that audition last week I realized I just need to LOVE my art more - LOVE it.  So.  So tonight in class I was like "I just have to love and believe - that's it - just love and believe."  Then I did somewhat mediocre work and I sort of talked back to the teacher but - overall it was a great experience.  Love and believe.  Love myself, love my life, love my art - set myself free from that job but not until I have ANOTHER job - safely - so especially from a loving place.  I don't have to worry about the guy anymore so that is good - I can focus on me and taking care of myself and the dog.  Lord - when I pick her up her bones crack in her back.  Also - I feed her this special food and she doesn't love it so much - can I just give her cheeseburgers now or what?  I mean - come on - she's 112 for fuck's sake - can't she eat whatever she wants?  I'm so tired.  Okay - well - I smell cigarette smoke and I did last night but I have no idea what to do!!  They go in the super's office - how's that going to stop?  Isn't it crazy that it happened again?  I feel really bad for the guy right below me - holy cow.  Love you Bluebers.