Holy horrible fart class...

I farted through the whole class last night. If that wasn't awesome I also didn't do a good job on my monologue - which - I was just doing a reading of it - so what the fuck? He was YELLING and being really hard and then kept saying "This isn't a criticism but even if it's a first rehearsal you should be prepared!!!!!" Okay - fine - I'm sure that's true. I wasn't in a good place for it and there were 2 new people in class and he - I just - it was just a bad class. Then at the end he gave someone new a scene to do and I have been in class for - this is my 4th month and I'm still on monologues. I felt stupid for not having my money and then I realized I don't actually think this teacher thinks I'm a good actress. I don't know if that is true. But I left really upset - really upset. I'm feeling very victimized and - not taken care of. Which is ironic since I haven't showered, I'm exhausted, broke and because I let myself get to no money, don't have a kitchen I let myself use I eat white flour cheap food and then fart all the time. I'm so embarrassed. I just never want to go back to class - he's a turd. Speaking of farting he is a fucking turd. I just don't know if this is what I wanted. I'm so not in place of power right now - AT ALL. I feel so bad the dog hasn't had her soft food - only the hard. I'm a terrible mother too. Christ - I woke up sick to my stomach and had suuuuch bad dreams. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself? I'm so confused. At least I didn't send him an email last night. I guess I can ask why I'm not doing scenes and I can certainly go to a different class if I want to. That's not what I want - what I want is to be the best, favorite, treated so special, amazing, loved even if I'm farting and a mess actress. He kept saying "This is going to be a challenge for you" about the monologue and then said something about the way women interact with each other that is different from men. What? I felt like he was totally talking about something other than the play - although I don't know because I didn't READ it - I have 2 jobs and A LOT OF LAW AND ORDER TO WATCH. I have to take a shower. I'm already late for today and I can NOT not bathe again. Awful - what a fucking turd. That guy from work was so right - he said I would probably hate the teacher in 6 months - he would drive me crazy - it only took 4.