Thank GOD I kept my mouth shut....

did my work and still went to class.  I did the homework this week, was willing to work and even though it was REALLY fucking hard and AWKWARD (hard to believe) I managed to grow past my fucking HUGE ego fuckfest that was happening last week.  I think that's what was happening.  Anyway - I'm so glad I stayed, worked it out and now I think the monologue will be great.  It was a challenge - hello and still is all around and isn't that THE POINT??  Okay - so - there you go - I made it over one small hurdle.  I managed to not self-destruct and stop going to something that I really love.  I went through it.  I just kept thinking "the way past this is through it."  So - now what I have learned in class and what I think I have learned before is it takes me a while to warm up - to get going - to get started.  Once I do - I'm off.  I also have to do a lot of homework and if I'm confused I REALLY have a lot of homework to do.  I went to the most beautiful meeting tonight before class.  I swear every Tuesday I almost cry when all 400 or however many hundreds of people are standing together holding hands and saying the Lord's Prayer.  It's so touching to me - so sweet and beautiful.  I just feel the love and healing flow through me and everyone.  I can barely sit next to people on the train but I will hold people's (most people's - seriously) hands in a meeting - GRATEFULLY and pray with them.  What a great way to connect to God.  Do you know what my father said this weekend?  There was something on TV on the National Geographic channel about the world being covered in ice and how at least twice the earth has just been a frozen solid ball of ice.  He said "God just got fed up and was like 'whoop I'm going to start over' and froze the earth.  It just struck me as so funny - he's so scientific yet there you go - God pops in.  I'm crying now.  What was I going to do - quit this class and do WHAT?  Well - listen - not going anymore because I have something else or I want to do something else - fine but just be DRAMA???  Because my FEELINGS were hurt or - lord - whatever.  If I have made any sense it's a miracle.  Life is a miracle and now I was crying again but I stopped once I started typing this sentence.  It is really hard to take myself seriously sometimes.  Okay - off to bed.  I'm so tired but tomorrow I just have work and then home I come.  Maybe a meeting first.  Byyeeeee Bluebie.