Let's start with the positives.

I got an amazing, inexpensive haircut yesterday and she REALLY did what I wanted and even cut more to clean it up at the end. I also got an inexpensive (get this!!) manicure/pedicure/15 minute massage. I'm not even kidding. I had a delicious dinner and I got to my meditation meeting. I got tons of sleep last night and now I'm home still which is glorious. It's sort of dark out but it hasn't started raining yet. I had plans to get pictures taken tomorrow but it looks like rain so I don't think that is going to happen - which is fine because I would love a week to get my body better. What? I worked hard all weekend at the comedy club and it was busy - thank God so that's good. My bills are paid and I budgeted out money for myself and I've gone over the budget but nothing crazy. This feels so good. I have some very loving friends in my life but that one friend - they suck - they just do. But I read a quote today that said something like I fill myslef with love and put that out to the world - how others treat me is there business and how I react is mine. I believe what is happening with this person is happening because I need to move in a different direction and be more on my own. So to speak. I'm being so vague. Look - this person is difficult and I want to avoid them and at the same time show them how difficult they are. I also want to let this effect my sobriety which isn't necessary. So anyway - oooo - here's the thing - I'm not sure what is going on - but thisd is what happens with me and a lot of people and this time - I'm not having it. What? On a seperate note and back to positive things - Larni and I got in a fight and we totally got past it. I told him I won't be spoken to that way (ha - in so many word - where are my BALLS at anyway??) and he apologized - we talked it out and everything is okay. That was kind of a crazy one because for once I really was like - I am not going to be spoken to like this - I deserve better than this and I don't care what anyone thinks about it. I was mad but also I knew I didn't deserve what he was putting out (I know - ridiculous words) and I didn't care how this would "look." Imagine that. I was really taking care of myself for once instead of doing what I thought would "look" best. Jesus. Larni said he was proud of me - haha - oh boy - thank God everything is okay - relationships are so hard. It's my wedding anniversary. Ouch. I suppoose that is another positive thing!! I'm not married anymore!!! I looked at his fb page and he - despite the fact that he is clearly on seriously hard drugs, has long greasy hair and is completely out of shape - seems happy. He is doing exaclty what he wants. He has his one man band with 20 people in it and he's doing shows and making art. So - there you go. Am I doing what I want? Well I am starting to take really good care of myslef and that's for sure something Ihave ALWAYS wanted. I always wanted to be sober and to have the room and the time to take really great care of myself. I suppose that will grow into my art - the pictures will be a start to that. Okay - I love you Bluebie and I love my sister for encouraging me to keep writing. It feels so good!!! Byeeeeee.