Oh WOW.

As I was leaving the house Tall Not So Dark And Creepy told me that a mutual friend has had a nervous breakdown. She thinks bugs are coming out of her ears and nose. Yeesh. It upset me - I called my sponsor and she said I am bottoming out on letting other people make me feel the way I feel. I'm not sure the wordage she used - I was really upset. I guess she's right - someone else is always to blame for me getting upset. Someone else is always controlling how I feel. Ugh - this is so hard. I feel so uncomfortable and I am so ready to - what? Move? I don't know - I don't want to feel like this anymore and I ugh - well - I have to do the work I guess. I'm so tired right now. It's so hot in here - of course. It was FREEZING and now it's hot in here again. So dry. So if I can't blame other people for how I feel - who can I blame?? Ha - oh and BIG SIGH. Some old lady just came in here and demanded I give her the owner's cell phone number. She said they live in the same building. How rude is that? She was pushy AND rude. And she SMELLED. Gross. So now here we go - another stupid layer of the stupid fucking onion. Couldn't they use a less disgusting smelling vegetable as an analogy of healing? Fucking a. I'm so upset. I have no money saved again after paying my rent on time. Hopefully I will make it back this weekend and be able to put the money back in my savings. I'm just sitting here - not doing anything. I'm going to research this feelings bullshit. FUCK!! Bye.