Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Hi - jeesh.

Oh lord I am so tired. The weather is so strange today. Cold but hot in here. I keep being hot then cold, repeat. I went to this thing last night after a meeting and I got so excited that I acted like such a turd. I was REALLY pushing my energy and trying to be FUNNY and LIKED. OH MY GOD - is there anything worse than that ever? Haha at least I'm laughing a little bit. It was like I was drunk - ew. Thank God I wasn't and at least I have the awareness that I do not wish to repeat that behavior. Ouch - embarrassing though. I got my pictures back and I think they are good - I have no idea how to pick one. I am also kind of freaking out about how I look. Or not - I don't know. I picked some out and I asked 2 people to look at them and now I am going to let it go for awhile. I'm at the store and people are coming in and shopping so that is good - it's always more fun to be here when I am selling stuff. This is all so hard. I feel like I am in my early 20's again - relearning how to act - how to be a lady. Jesus - my ego is so blown up right now - it REALLY wants some serious validation. Barf. Total barfness. I have an audition tomorrow for this place where I want to go to take classes and I have a show tonight and a double tomorrow. Um - what? I am just going to go home after this and get some rest and that should get me to where I need to be. I also need to memorize my monologue. Am I kidding myself here - how am I going to do all this? I have to just try. I was ALMOST on time today - can you imagine? I really did make the whole day so much better. I need to pray and meditate when I get home also. I am freaking out right now - my energy is all over the place. I am going to do those breathing exercises the Snake Doctor taught me while I am sitting here. K Bluebie I love you.

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