I feel crazy.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I didn't go and perform tonight and I'm here at my house and I watched the worst foreign film EVER. Very beautiful to look at but it ended in a plane crash - I think?? I hate that vague shit. The whole time I was watching it I was like - "I don't feel right - I should just shut this off." Then it ends in what seems like a plane crash - I'm not sure and both ways it's an AWFUL movie I don't care if it's in Paris. A-holes. Then my Six Feet Under DVD won't work because it's cracked. I think my friend is mad at me for not going and performing tonight and for coming and speaking for me at the meeting yesterday. Why are people such a-holes? I feel awful. Is it because I need to wash my hair? I just feel crazy and gross. Yes - gross. I know praying and meditating will help but I don't want to do it. I'm tired. I'm mother fucking exhausted. Why at this point in my life will I suddenly get my shit together? It's over. I will never amount to anything. I'm just depressed. I need to have a spiritual awakening or I need - what? I have no idea. I should probably just go to bed. My mind hurts and my soul feels fat and numb. Yeesh. Bye Blueb.