Day 490

Today I have already done lots of good things for myself. Turns out I need at least 8 hours of sleep or I'm a basket case. Add dehydration and poor eating and I really start to lose it. But I learned something this week which is that - what?? What did I learn?? I'm trying to not be negative - trying to be positive - while also being honest and real. This is so fucking hard. Life is so hard - oh dear - I think I'm feeling sorry for myself. I think?? Ha - okay - I am. Things are so much better even than they were this time last year. I made myself a healthy breakfast, had tea and lots of water. I prayed and meditated and I worked on cleaning up my past. My room is clean and I am writing on here. I am going to walk to work and then work. Oh my Lord this is so boring - hilarious. Okay good - see there I laughed - what a relief. I don't have much to say except that for sure if I can get my sleep and take really good care of myself things might shift. My brain might shift. I think I'm afraid of praying and meditating. OR that it upsets me that I feel better after I do it and then I get upset that I have to do it again after I get all frazzled again. Like the whole "why make the bed it's just going to get messy again" thing? I love making the bed. I love coming home to a made bed. Alright. Okaaaay. Bye bye Blueberry. Talk to you later.