Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Hi.

I'm here at the store and I didn't take a shower and I look like I didn't but who cares? I care I guess. I look cute - just not so fresh. Class was fucking amazing last night - so great and I had to work past being FURIOUS because we don't have class on Friday night and I took the night off from work. I was so fucking pissed off and I could feel myself wanting to clamp down on that - just stick me from working. I just breathed and when it was my turn - I just followed his direction and he was seriously like - yelling directions at me - in a good way - hilarious - they loved it and it was REALLY fun. I have to wonder as always - how the fuck do I get myself there? I knew at first I wasn't doing it but then I just didn't know what to do. I could have stopped I suppose and the point of class (as he always says) is to be in process - so it was a great rehearsal really. Super fun - and a lot of energy - while I was doing it I was like I need to be in better shape - WAY better shape. Here is one thing that is odd - after the class being so great and I got some soup, went home, walked the dog and then my self-care just fell apart. I even went back to sleep twice today (which is why I was late) and I didn't need to do that - I really didn't. I don't feel any better having slept but not being showered. So that's weird. Also I think I really want to try to get some work - I woke up so not furious about the cigarette smoke - and I attribute that to being able to work in class like that. On a side note Creepy I think watches me in the mornings - it's so weird. He goes out the back door and I think he sits at McDonald's and watches me. Maybe I'm wrong - buuuut maybe not. So strange. Anyway - I also had this thought......If God wants to come through me like that and it brings people true pleasure - then aren't I doing service by letting myself do this work? I had some other revelation last night but I can't remember what it was. It's a little chilly today - strange. What a mild, wonderful winter we have had. Okay - Blueberry I love you - byyyeeeee!!!

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