What the heck? I guess the people who moved next door have a baby? How could I hear that - it must be downstairs? After I wrote on here last night I read where I was this time last year and I was so much more interesting. I mean my writing seemed better and somehow I seemed more grounded. Is that possible? Have I ungrown? What the fuck is going on? I woke up with my stomach beating and it was beating last night all before class, during class and until the second time I did the monologue. I'm just not letting myself be creative enough and I also am being super hard on myself but also I'm totally frustrated and also I feel crazy. How am I not funny anymore? Last night this girl in class - I like her - she said "You are one of the top 3 funniest people I know." Um - what? I really was like - um - I have no idea what to say - who the fuck are the other 2 people - which is what my teacher said. I'm thinking that I'm freaking out about him but in reality I want to be DOING more. I'm getting bored - and really frustrated. Maybe I should be writing a play commenting on the times right now. I could write a play about a woman who does all this self-care and is still insane and even less interesting as a person. That sounds great doesn't it? It could be a half-musical where she plays the triangle and sings a song called "I brush and floss almost everyday but I never have sex - no way!!!" Christ - that poor baby is inhaling cigarette smoke. Last night I thought I have to save the dog and I from this!! Save us!! My energy is all stopped up. Okay - okay - okay - let's stick to the plan - everyday self-care, everyday my programs and everyday something for my art. I think I need to go on some auditions and write a novel. That will make me feel better. I could at least go swimming. Time to raise the bar, bump it up a notch and stretch a little. FUCK - nooooo fucking. Save and move. That's all - oh lord and get a new jobs. Get a new jobs. Maybe get one new job. Jobs. Time to go - byeee.
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