Lord have mother fucking mercy.

I am really coo-coo for coco-puffs. I'm - well - ugh - I don't know - I am just not - even - i can't even write. I found so much solace writing on here and now that I am all crazy again doing all this alanon stuff - I just feel embarrassed. Well - okay - there I said it. I can't believe what a wound there is inside me. That class was so hard last night and I was - not that awful as an actress but as a person - I was awful, aggressive and - just not authentic. Well - okay - so. Her Lady Wonder is being so patient and kind with me but this is very painful. I know I'm not really making sense. I worked for hours today on this character. I definitely have worked through some of what was blocking me. Let's face it - the writing is amazing and I just have to dance with that. Dance with the writing of this piece. I upset my teacher - or shocked him - I don't know. His eyes got really blue and it made me nervous. I'm going to grow up out of this behavior - I really am. I really think that so much of what happens in the world has to do with me and it just doesn't. He was way nice before I left but I took the shock with me. Lord - you should have seen me emotionally eating Pirates Booty waiting for the subway. It was worse than the way my mother eats popcorn. I was also hungry but I was upset. I was eating like I hadn't eaten in 4 days. Oh my lord. It's cold out today. I am going to go home right after this. I need to go to bed early - I haven't slept well the last 2 nights. Remember before when I said "I can't believe what a wound there is inside me?" Jeez but also - oh. I really had no idea. Becoming present is hard. I have to pee so bad and a lady just walked in. One of these days I will pee while sitting here I swear to God. Just pee all over the chair and floor. Like in that movie Secretary - only I won't get carried away and put in a bed of grass because of it. What? Seriously? I think I can hold it. Bye Bluebie - I love you.