Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Hey Blue Blog.

I am - what? I'm not sure. Okay - here - I can say this - I had bad dreams - one about my Uncle and cousin and what happened to them - I dreamed I was watching it - it was awful. I also dreamed I couldn't play this instrument which was a combo harp/ukulele thing that was electric. Everyone was so nice about me not being able to play it but it was really weird. I left the house being annoyed at Creepy because he cries about not having money - he and princess turd cry about having no money and neither of them work and creepy was just on vacation and had a cleaning lady there when I left. The weird part was he had his Guzhend covering the windows of the living room and it was like he didn't want me to know she was there cleaning. Isn't that weird? I was like - who IS she? He had on this horrible new outfit on when he got back from his vacation. Ugh - here' the point - I have so much work to do still but the GREAT part is now I really have all these tools. I prayed and meditated this morning and that helped shake me out of the bad dreams. I got ready for work so I don't feel gross here. I made phone calls and now I am not holding all this stuff to myself slowly getting ready to explode. In all fairness (and I needed someone else to point this out to me) these people in my life who are still making me crazy are only able to make me crazy because I never put up the boundaries necessary to keep myself safe to begin with. Is it really a shock to me that Creepy is all shady and dishonest and narcissistic? Come ON. Or that I even live there. I sound crazy still right?? In another 10 years I am going to be so amazing. Just for today - just for today I don't have to use and today I get to learn a little more how to take care of myself. I went to the eye doctor yesterday. I might still be filled with hate towards people that I didn't ever have the sense to be like - "DON"T PASS THIS LINE" to - but I am seriously taking care of my body, eyeballs and teeth. FUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKK. I have to keep putting these shirts in the computer. Bye Blueber. Breathe, breathe, breathe. p.s Also when I left therapy yesterday she said to me "Do you know you have been coming here for a decade?? Since February 25th 2002. You have been working so hard for so long - a decade!!" Holy fuck - and now I can take showers regularly and not drink when I wake up in the morning. I'm like a functioning 14 year old. Huh.

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