I just spoke on the phone with my alanon sponsor - she's really nice - we are off to a verrrrry slow start - holy fucking turtle cow. I woke up to a lot of smoke but I put the fan on and that helped. I actually asked Creepy yesterday if Princess Turd could go sit on the bench at least and smoke and he said - I'm not kidding (while he waved his hand no) "Any modicum of happiness he can have he needs." Sooooo now I know that if I just ask the situation won't change. I really hope in a year when I read this I will be like "Oh - wow - I was so crazy with that smoke - so much has changed - I have really grown." One amazing thing that happened was I managed to not manipulate a conversation out of a woman trying to figure out something about my acting teacher. I was really proud of myself - I just didn't go there. It really isn't any of my business his life and it won't do anything but make me crazy anyway. It just felt so much healthier to NOT go to where I would have gone in the past. I might not be making any sense but for me - this was huge. I also managed to not buy anything when I was upset last night. I was just feeling so sad about my uncle and cousin and my dead boyfriend - it was too much. I just wanted to not feel those feelings but shopping just wasn't going to work. I didn't need anything and - it just wasn't right. I had McDonald's for dinner instead. 5 dollars later and I felt better and wasn't dragging around some shit I didn't need. I'm tired - I might need to go back to bed. I should write a gratitude list right now. Here we go - I'm so grateful for:
My dog
my family - my loving sister(s)
my new friends in programs (and old friends)
my jobs and the money i make
healing
opportunities
the quiet right now
hearing the birds chirp
pleasant morning
my new sponsor for alanon and her being so nice and gentle
this day off - much needed.
Going to the Met yesterday!!!
Bye Bluebie - love you.
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