I always feel guilty....

and then I get mad. I woke up today and again - cigarette smoke. I walk the dog and walk through the living room - where they always are - and I asked how they were and Princess said "Good." I guess that is his way of being charming. I walk the dog and while I'm walking the dog I realize how I always feel like I'm doing something wrong - I always feel like I'm about to get in trouble - that even though I was polite and I never say anything about the cigarette smoke - the fact that I even have the feelings I'm somehow wrong. I come back and Princess is just there on the steps smoking. There are ashes all over the steps - he doesn't even bother to actually even go over and sit on the bench. Anyway - I just looked at apartments. I tried when I was walking around yesterday to look for buildings with signs on them but I didn't see anything. I'm really frustrated - I feel like I am getting old here - I need to save myself. I have the fan on - the central air fan and I opened my window and put the regular fan in the window. When I got back inside Creepy was like "How is it out there guys??" Like Princess Turd and I were having a little experience together. Princess said nothing and just stared at me while I was like "It's great" in a really stiff, awkward, awful way. Here's the reality - I'm not trapped here even though it feels like it. I just can't seem to get past feeling victimized by this and I can't seem to accept it. I can get myself out of this - I really can - it's just going to take some work. Okay - I'm shaking. It just makes me so sick the smoke. On my way to work the other day they were at the door going out also and Princess had one of his leather wallet purse things and he was like "Oh I wanted to show this to you." Um - what??? WHY? You don't like me - you smoke under my window even though you know I hate it - HATE IT - and I already told you I don't do the buying for the store and she doesn't sell homemade things. I'm great by the way - thank you for asking. Try having some manners you ridiculous piece of shit. Soooooooooooooooooooo - okay. I should try writing a song about it. Bye Blueberry - love you.