Sooo a little late night writing...

I had class tonight and I want to write about it. I'm also - what? So tired - so smoked out from the cigarette smoke - there was just THREE of them out there smoking - I think they are in bed now but it reeks in here. I went to class and here's where having a crush on the teacher gets in the way - or not and maybe it's all just lessons learned. HOWEVER - I went and got my filling today which was so fucking traumatizing - I was shaking for like 30 minutes afterwards and I literally had to pray during the whole thing and say "Trust God - just trust God." Um - I got a teeny tiny filling done - so small that she didn't even give me the full thing of Novocaine - I mean - seriously? It didn't even hurt. I think I scared the dentist. Anyway - so I got home form that and I wanted to change my clothes to go to class but instead I changed my socks - what? Exactly. I didn't want to be "dressed up" on my day off because I didn't want the teacher to think I liked him. UM - WHAT? The character worked so well the other night because I was dressed up!! I just didn't do my homework - that's all. It made me really nervous and I didn't go till the end so I sat there freaking out for the whole time. Plus he talks soooooo much!!!!! Vampimg he calls it? Holy fucking cow. Plus - okay - how do I say this - I don't know - I don't want to feed this energy - I want to feed the creative energy. So anyway when I worked finally it was lame and then it was only okay and - well - I came home and worked on it according to his notes and it was fun and so much better. Okay - so I will work on it - do my home work and let myself do it. the other girl at the boutique sent the end of day report and it said they we can't wear the earrings anymore and it really fucking annoyed me - it wasn't her idea - she was just relaying the owner's message. The owner ( what should I call her??? Queen Ice Cream Plop? Queen Crap? Ice Tangle?) came in the other day and I had a pair on and she said something and I thought she was annoyed but I couldn't figure out why since we are supposed to wear the jewelry - or at least that's what I was told. So I wrote back something snarky. I shouldn't have done that. I don't want to wear her weird crap anyway. She would be real annoyed if she knew I was wearing a pair and they broke when I took them off yesterday. Seriously - they cost her 5 dollars and no one has been buying them and she told me to take them off display anyway. So I know she wasn't saying not to wear the earrings because of that because I didn't tell her. Fuuuuuuck that. I just threw them out. Her kids are going to need so much therapy. She's just not warm. Really? Why do I expect people to be loving to me? Well - I don't know - I guess I just get defensive - that's not her fault. I still need this job - what am I doing? We probably shouldn't be wearing the shit anyway. This is a point where I'm to learn not to react right away - especially when I'm mad. React being the right word. Or the wrong word - whichever. So jeez - still learning. I did a little bit of yoga when I got home and some sit-ups - that's good - made me feel like a different person. This kid in my class walked me out and hugged me good bye and kissed me on the cheek as I went into the grocery store. Isn't that cute? It was really sweet - very - actory. I have to go read Beyond Codependency - I'm clearly not where I need to be yet as far as other people's behavior not affecting me. Byeeeeeee Bluebie.