Actress.

So right as the quarantine happened I started to panic about whether or not I would have enough books to read.  My library had closed and they weren't sure when they were going to reopen so I went to my local bookstore and bought a book.  I'm not exactly sure how long I thought one book was going to last me, but money was tight so I just bought one book.  I bought a book called "Actress."  I saw it advertised as a new book on the bookstores website and I called and got the last copy.  I was so excited!  I was like "Oh this is great - I am going to read this book and get re-inspired to be an actress!  My passion will be re-ignited and moved in a different direction!  I will become a different person and a different artist because of this book!"  That's not expecting too much from a book is it?  So - so the book was good!  Very good!  I was able to lose myself in it and I was pulled into the story.  But - of course there is a but right?

It's the story of a woman who becomes a STAR!  A true-blue, honest to goodness movie star and she is brilliant on stage and screen.  And she can sing!  But that's not what the book is about.  It's about her daughter and the relationship between the actress and her daughter, and the actress's death.  In fact I would say the whole book is about her daughter who is a writer and her feelings about her mother.  Her daughter who is a writer and who did not have one interest in being an actress.  Her daughter who loved her mother and the confusing relationship they had because her mother was FULL TIME DRAMA.  Anyway the book didn't inspire me one teeny, tiny bit to be an actress.  In fact the poor woman's life sounded horrible and weird and unhealthy.  It sounded like she needed a lot of help and didn't get the correct kind because she was a famous star and FULL TIME DRAMA so she somehow slipped through the cracks of the correct care she needed.  Ugh - God - it's not even a true story and that was hard to write.  However there was something that was so intriguing to me and really helped me so much from this book.

This is making me cry for some reason....but at the end of the book - the daughter says (at least this is my interpretation - it's an Irish writer and she uses terms and phrases I don't quite understand) "It's time to be getting on with it."  Meaning - again - I believe - life.  It's time to get on with it.  Live!  Not get over her mother - how do you get over that - ever?  But accept the sadness and move on.  Live on.  You know I don't think that's a direct quote and I have to go on with my own day but that's the gist of it.  And that really, really struck a chord with me.  Because that is honestly and truly how I want to move forward.  Agh - I am saying this oddly.  I feel very much that, that is what I am doing now as well.  I am moving on with it.  Or at least I am walking towards the road where I will begin to walk and the name of that road is "Moving On With It." 

Well so it wasn't quiet what I wanted from the book - in fact it wasn't what I wanted at all.  It was a bittersweet book to ready and I found it painful also.  BUT.  But nonetheless there was something absolutely freeing in her saying it was time to move on with it.  So I have been thinking about that for months & promised myself I would write about it and so I did.

Bye!