Branches.

There was a hurricane the day before yesterday - you might know or have been somewhere where it was happening.  Tons of places without power or cable, trees and wires down everywhere - total shitshow.  Mother Nature was like fuuuuuck you.  So when I went outside to exercise yesterday I see branches EVERYWHERE.  And in the past I have always used branches as a means of symbolic hints towards what direction I am supposed to go in.  So for example when I got sober it was forks and I took that as meaning I was at a fork in the road - get sober or don't get sober and I chose to get sober.  Then over the years it's been more forks, or the fork ends but the path continues.  Earlier this year it was RIGHT TURN or LEFT TURN.  And I took some RIGHT TURNS and LEFT TURNS.  Changed shit UP.  Also for awhile not too long ago - last few weeks - broken branches.  Just pieces of branches broken on the ground.  To which it felt like - ending of relationships.  Or at least an absolute shift in the way the relationships have gone.  Okay so again I made 2 huge decisions and even though (Thank God!) I didn't do what I would have done in the past which is destroy these relationships - I did decide to move on from how I was participating in these things.  So then yesterday I go out there and there's just branches and trees down ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE!

And I was like "What the fuck does this mean?"  Just smashed branches, broken branches, huge pieces of tree trunk - TREES.  I was really struggling to figure out what in the good Lordy fuck it all meant.  I mean I don't have THAT many relationships to get out of or that would need to be destroyed like that for fuck's sake.  So I just kept motoring around the neighborhood and I suddenly got 2 ideas in my head.  One is that all the branches and stuff were like tangles in hair.  You know you lose a lot of hair when you get the tangles out.  So it's a cleaning out you know?  So I then realized this was a symbolic cleaning out for me but how?  Then I realized what it was!

Resentments.  All those branches are all the resentments I have kept swirling around in my head since the beginning of my sobriety and let's face it from before that too.  Oh Jesus - yes 100% form before that too.  I just got SO TIRED writing this.  I have to lay down.  Love you Bluebie!