Tuesday.

Okay - here's what I'm working on.  This should be riveting.  Being worry free and really visualizing what that looks like.  Expressing myself.  Being nice to myself - super so kind to myself.  Having a really nice relationship with myself.  Let's see where I was a year ago today.  Before I do that I want to say that my sponsor said that I can't be a victim if I don't live like one.  I feel like so much is happening - so much is changing inside of me and that once again I am at a fork in the road.  It's time for me to actually change my thought patterns and let go of all the negative, self-defeating thoughts and ideas I have had for so long.  It's so boring - it's so boring to be negative and jealous and WORRIED.  I can't do it anymore.  I got so bored of being drunk and unhappy.  I am so bored of being sober and unhappy.  Especially since I do it to myself.  All that energy I could be using to be creative and loving and helpful in the world.  Yesterday do you know what I did?  Why yes - I would love to tell you.  I got up, worked with my alanon sponsor, prayed and meditated, got the Prince up and out, talked to my sponsee for an hour, got ready and went to rehearsal, then I went and wrote at an Internet cafe and did my homework for class, went to therapy, went to my writing class and went home and took a bath and put a mud mask on and did my nails.  Shut up - really?  TO ME THIS IS MIRACLE.  After I woke up this morning and thought about the class I really thought about how I just want to be able to express myself - in all the creative ways I love to.  Be funny, write, love, eat, sleep - breathe, love more.  That's all.  That's all?  I don't know what I mean by that.  I want to be alive for fuck's sake.  Okay - let's look at this time last year.  Holy FUCK - well I wrote on this day last year and it was when everything got really crazy with Princess Boris and Creepy.  Well - lord have mercy this is a time of sincere gratitude that I no longer live in that situation.  Thank you.  Thank you Blueberry Blog for being there for me during it.  Holy shit though - what great material it is.  That place was insane.  Let me say that I didn't really do well on my homework for class and it made me realize how I deserve better than that.  I mean I deserve to give myself the opportunity to take the time to really WRITE and do the work.  Not just and hour and a half.  Okay.  Good.  Great.  I am fucking obsessed with myself - Jesus.  Time to go do my homework early this time and what else?  I don't know - hydrate!!!  Bye Bluebie - love you.