Stresssssssed ouuuuuuttt.

Jeez. I am so looking forward to not working here on Mondays. I was so totally over-stimulated last night by the time I got to therapy that my therapist said I really need to be careful about not getting over-stimulated. I was NUTS. I was shaking. I was so mad and so over tired AND - I will say it again - over-stimulated. Okay - so I got a decent night's sleep. When my alarm went off I was shocked that I slept through the night. No crazy dreams with guns and chases - no waking up in the middle of the night - I just slept. I went back to sleep after the alarm went off - so I over slept by an hour and a half. Whatever. I'm here at the store now. I am still not okay - very resentful. I am stressed about this weekend and now I am stressed out about money all of a sudden. The truth is that I don't need to be though. I really don't. Okay - I am worth more than this. Here is what happened this morning. Someone asked me to babysit tomorrow night who I told I could babysit on SUNDAYS. So instead of saying "NO" I asked what time. Which I could not get here by. Then I said tomorrow night isn't good for me and THEN I didn't hear back from them. I'm fucking 40 years old - babysit - really? I mean I love the baby - he is SO cute - so cute. They are really great parents and I want to help but I am so stressed out right now - I can't. I need a meeting tomorrow night and to be able to get home and rest for my double on Thursday. Why did I even ask what time? Why is it so hard to say no. Why did they ask me for a WEDNESDAY when I said that SUNDAYS were good for me??? See - not okay. I have another audition at that studio tomorrow and I am so nervous AND I don't have the monologue memorized AND I'm so tired I don't want to go. I feel like I'm going to get rejected. WELL SO WHAT?? Jeez. Okay - this is what I am going to do.....I am going to work on the monologue right now. This is all going to shift. It really will.