Friday, March 17, 2017
Okay so I am doing okay - super grateful to be sober and SOOOOO grateful to not be in the city for St. Patrick's Day - holy fuck. I slept pretty well and did my morning routine although I am off myself and my timing. It's taken me 4 hours what should take 2.5 hours MAX. Anyway.....I am sitting here waiting for information about my flight to this job next week and I am not sure what lesson I am being taught but I am not getting any answers. I have plenty of things to do anyway. I have to say separate not e- I have been eating less carbs or really gluten based carbs and I feel better and lost a pound even though I have PMS. Also the PMS seems better. I swear to God one of my favorite past times is researching EXACTLY what I am supposed to be eating according to my blood type, body type, ethnicity, geno-type and any other thing I can figure out and then doing it for a week - forgetting about it and going to Wendy's and Dunkin Donuts for a year and then doing the same thing all over again. Maybe this time it will stick because even after just a week or so of slightly adjusting my diet I feel a lot better. He says in that book Eat Right For Your Type that it's about putting the right fuel in your body. I read that book years ago and then completely forgot all of it. I'm such a fucking addict. I really have the "built-in forgetter" that they talk about in the program. I will start to eat better, feel better and then decide I can eat what ever I want and get so upset and confused when I feel sick again. I guess I should approach food the same way I approach drugs and alcohol. Although I can't totally do that since I can never do those again safely. I can probably eat a donut just not every other day. Or even once a week? Do I really need to eat a donut ever? Maybe! Just not as a regular part of my diet. How bad do I want a donut now? Ha. Okay so I have to go now and get myself ready to pick up these kids. They were so good yesterday and being very sweet. So they should be monsters today! Hopefully they won't have any homework and then we can just chill. Oh MAN - my life has really changed! Well and the best change is that I get to be sober. Fuck - I know it's so nerdy but I am so fucking grateful to be sober and have all the tools and structure of the program. Programs. And therapy! But just left to myself I'm a mess or at least I just can't really navigate through life. Gotta gooooo - love you Bluebie byeeee.