Sooo - my riveting life continues.....

the porter - oh my - what should I call him - the Super's odd helper - they call hima porter - I will call him Vladimir - Vladimir came and fixed the leaking radiator.  He came reaaally early in the morning on Friday and I was still sleeping.  I answer the clothes and Vladimir - who is missing his four front teeth and reeks of cigarette smoke AND is hairy from head to toe, little and skinny while also being very nice except he always stares at my crotch - I'm not even kidding - he walks right into my apartment and says "Oh I'm here to fix the radiator!!  Don't worry - get back in the bed - go get back in the bed!!"  I was like - "Ohhh - ohh it's okay."  He FINALLY 3 hours later fixed it and had to come in and out of my apartment 5 times and everytime he came back he was like "Honey I'm home!!!"  Jesus.  Now I need the ceiling fixed and I think I just want him/them - whatever/whoever - to do it when I'm not there.  Last night I was coming home and I had on my glasses which meant I couldn't really see anything and all of a sudden someone was reaching for me and it was Vladimir.  He was laughing and joking and put up his hand for a high five and I have to say (oh he also looked at my crotch - twice) it is so wonderful that he is helpful but also - I don't know - I'm sort of creeped out.  He is nice but - um - what the fuck?  I also don't understand why he is always doing stuff for the building - it's confusing.  Maybe if he had teeth and didn't stare at my crotch all the time.  I feel like BOOBS would be better.  Isn't that terrible?  Can't a guy not have teeth and be a crotch starer without being creepy?  Is that even possible?  Well the exterminator came also and he was GREAT and guess what??  I CAUGHT A MOUSE IN MY OWN TRAP!!!  I'm a mouse killer.  I decided I'm going to pretend they are Zombie mice and then I feel less terrible about killing them.  The exterminator came in and I told him that the mice weren't getting caught in my traps and he said "Doesn't look like it to me!"  And there it was - a dead mouse in a trap!  Amazing.  I have to go and look on Facebook more.  Bye Bluebers.