I worked 3 shows

I just waitressed for 3 shows and it was so exhausting and stressful. I get so stressed out when I am there and I get so grumpy and act like such an asshole. Then I also start talking shit about people who work there that I don't like. IT'S AWFUL. Then I make my money and start laughing - get home and I'm like "oh it wasn't that bad." REALLY? It's totally nuts - except it's fast and good money. And if the job wasn't the way it is - I wouldn't HAVE a job. I almost got fired for being drunk. WASTED - so completely fucked up. I got suspended and it was mortifying and scary and very bad timing because - UGHHHH - why am I talking about this? I feel bad that I get upset at work - but I'm just not used to having these feelings and I'm - I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle myself or how to work with people I don't like. And since I'm not dating anyone - I just - I also feel ugly and fat. I kind of am on the chubby side and since I am built like a quarter back it doesn't look so great on me. Jeez this is depressing. But it's true - this is hard. But again - I'm sosososoosososo grateful that I made money tonight and I can pay a couple of bills this week and eat. Ha - oh well I do need to eat. And I have tomorrow off. I am going to sleep - I thank you for being here blogarooski.