Friday, November 16, 2018

The Power of The Subconscious Mind

That's the boo I'm reading right now - the snake doctor told me to read it and it's BLOWING MY MIND.  I probably already wrote I was reading it but I can't remember anything - my chemo brain is FOR REAL.  OMG.  But - it will get better.  Everything is going to get better.  Something has shifted and I feel better.  I have gotten to more meeting and something has shifted.  I have decided to not produce shows anymore - except for the one that is already planned and then I can continue to take care of myself, heal focus on sobriety, acting and I have no idea what else.  I have an idea for a script - it would be really fun to write it.  Yeah.  So - there has been a shift.  I had a good week with acting and also something is shifting for me with money.  I can feel love and lightness coming to me.  Lots of people - bright colors.  I am not exactly sure what is happening but it's creative bright and fun.  Abundant.  Manageable.  Loving.  Kind.  Fun.  CUTE OUTFITS.  Hello VERY IMPORTANT.  I am so tired but it's okay.  I am going to exercise right now.  I have to get to it because the guy needs to come home and use the treadmill also.  Holy shit it snowed last night - like SUPER FAST AND A TON of snow and there were cars just turned and parked ALL OVER THE PLACE.  Just stuck - I mean like a ton of cars.  It looked like the fucking apocalypse - we all had to snake around them slowly.  It took me 2 hours to drive 12 miles?  Maybe even less - 10?  AND I HAD NO GAS - I was freaking out.  I got to me house just as it said empty.  I hope I make it to the gas station today.  Oh - I should go and do that actually.  Yeah so.  Thank God I have a Subaru - they are good in the snow.  How crazy is it that I was such a fucking disaster last week and over the weekend and now I feel hopeful?  It's not bullshit either I do feel lighter and more positive.  Pain really is the touchstone of growth and for me I have to be in such wild, awful pain before I will change something.  Time to exercise.  I LOVE YOU.  Byeeee.

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