Saturday, November 3, 2018
Slightly Less Than Completely Insane
I am on the couch and it's probably a miracle I haven't spent more days like this. I didn't sleep last night and I was so upset this morning I couldn't leave the house. I was scratching this horrible rash all night long and I just was SO upset about it. Then I finally realized that maybe it's the fucking chemo they are still giving me. I looked it up and there were a million posts of women talking about how the chemo made them not be able to sleep and also gave them a horrible rash. So I did a little more research and went to the drug store and got some Claritin. I took it and I feel a bit better. The rash feels better - I'm also getting tired as we speak. The stuffy nose isn't quite better but in general I feel less awful. I mean emotionally - because at least I understand somewhat what the fuck is happening. so yeah. I didn't go to that audition again today but what can I do? Some days we don't feel well and for me it was the last 2 days. I meditated twice and I will get on the treadmill. I might even take a nap right now. I also went and got myself a bagel and when I tell you it was WORTH IT - I mean good CHRIST it was worth it. The most delicious bagel I have ever eaten in my life. I just can't figure out why they wouldn't have told me at the hospital that the chemo can cause a rash. Also I haven't been sleeping and I did ask them about that. I told my nurse about the rash. I actually think I did tell the Oncologist. Gosh I know I am making myself a victim of them and I am not. I finally figured out what the fuck is going on and I am not drinking anymore caffeine in the afternoon and I think the Claritin is really going to help. I could have some nice, hot, herbal tea at night and I bet that would help too. It's okay. Who knows maybe the chance of this happening is very slim but anyway it's happening and it just keeps getting worse. God I want to stop the chemo so bad. I just want to be done. I'm gong to ask on Tuesday if I can be done. I think maybe that Claritin just kicked in - my nose suddenly feels better. I'm going to lay down and let myself rest. Now my nose feels funny again. Great. I a less itchy. Love you Bluebie bye.