Saturday, August 11, 2018

The power of positive thinking must work but I can't do it...

I mean I CAN but it's REALLY really hard to do it.  Not only that but OH MY GOD I AM NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.  Good Lord - okay.  OKAY.  Here's the deal - I am taking this medication and it is making me sometimes sad and other times - I don't know what - hormonal I guess is how I can best describe it.  It wanes thank God and it's not physically painful they way pms was so that's good.  Plus now I have all these tools to help myself and ways to talk to myself.  So that's such a blessing.  People are frustrating and hurtful and I am allowed to have my feelings - for sure but I am not a victim and I have choices.  Not only do I have choices but I can do whatever the fuck I want.  I think what is happening is similar to what happened with men for me.  I just got to a place with men where I just didn't care anymore - I was like THAT'S IT I GIVE UP and I would rather be alone than be in these awful relationships.  Now I have these different people in my life who are so upsetting and I just will not have it anymore.  Although I don't totally believe myself.  Mostly because I am upset still and no major decision has ever come from an upset place for me.  So. So anyway.  So what's positive?  What is a positive way to think right now?  I'm thinking, I'm thinking.....what's fun?  I went to dance class again this week - YES.  I cancelled my physical therapy with that woman who I felt creeped out by.  It didn't help anyway but it felt really good to cancel and take care of myself.  Fuck that.  I don't know it's so hard to be positive when I am so upset by so many people.  Just for today - I just need to be positive just for today right?  I am having a good day!  For sure.  I went to my ladies meeting and ate with everyone and ran my errands.  I got a bunch of stuff done and I am going to make dinner.  I made a yummy breakfast lasagna last night for dinner and it was yuuuuuum.  Lots of herbs and spices - so good - everything was organic.  Well mostly.  I love my guy - I love him so much!!!  I am going back to my acting class this week and I am so so excited.  So okay I am going to do my step-work I need to do and just move forward.  I think I just got sleepy - love you Bluebie byeeeeeee.

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