I Met A Prostitute

A sex worker?  A hooker?  I don't know - she fucks some old guy once a week and then he give her a lot of money - but also she's into it so it's okay?  I don't ever care - the best part is SHE GETS TO LIVE ALONE.  That's not even the point - I have no idea what happened - all I know is I met this woman and now I want to quit comedy.  I MET A PROSTITUE AND NOW I WANT TO QUIT COMEDY.  I can't even fucking handle it.  That's how hard being a comedian is - she became a fucking hooker - sex worker - got herself a sugar daddy - I don't know.  I really liked her too - and she seems fine - she was really funny and gorgeous.  I just - I don't know.  I'm not sure what happened - I just do not want to do standup anymore.  Did I ever really want to do it?  I love it - I love the art form but I can not fucking stand the lifestyle.  It is so dark and unhealthy.  Do I really mean this?  I honestly don't know - I just know I got cancer and this past week I was so busy and stressed that it felt like it was making me sick again and I can't do it.  Then I meet this gorgeous chick who has to be a fucking hooker so she can have a decent place to live and not kill herself doing comedy.  Is this even what I am upset about?  I don't know I am still detoxing from that medicine - I am so fucking confused.  Or am I?  I can't be out every night doing standup - I just can't.  So then what the fuck am I doing?  I want to act right?  OR DO I??  MAYBE I WANT TO JUST BE HEALTHY AND LIVE OUT HERE AND WORK AT SAKS.  I do not fucking want to work at Saks.  I want to act and be funny and creative.  Holy fucking shit I need to calm down.  We went to the beach today and I didn't wear sunscreen because I am afraid of the chemicals now and I got a sunburn - which can not be any better for me.  I have no idea - I just want to be healthy and happy.  I am thinking I am too fucking old to be running around doing comedy - I think I am fucking over it.  Maybe I will see how I feel in the morning.  The guy keeps telling me to just do it a little bit - but in my mind if I'm not great then why do it?  Maybe it's none of that.  Maybe there is something else for me - something healthier - that's all.  Something healthier.  UGH.  Bye.