Self-Care and Other Mysteries

I finally went back to therapy last night.  Holy shit - my brain felt like it was tangled and dry - I was a mess.  And yesterday I really was at a breaking point.  I seemed to be attracting douche awfulness.  My cab driver was a dick, some lady came in the store and stole something - then I realized 2 super expensive cuffs were gone - so 2 things were stolen - and I just was a needy mess.  Listen on a different day I might have perceived all of this differently - that these were just things that happened and needed to be dealt with - or whatever.  Cab drivers are often dicks - lots of people in New York are dicks.  And shit gets stolen from stores.  My class felt weird the night before - no one clapped for me the second time and I had done good work - but - well - I'm not sure what happened there but once again - I was feeling off.  This is the thing - I need therapy - I have to go - it helps me.  Writing on here helps me, writing in my journal helps me.  Praying & meditating everyday helps me.  Lots of meeting helps me.  I need all these things in my life or I start to fall apart - quickly & unattractively - I mean on the inside (but my outsides quickly follow).  So - so the lesson is I have to take care of myself.  JESUS and it's SO MUCH WORK.  I came home last night after therapy and I didn't see the guy.  I got a good night's sleep and I spoke to a sponsee for an hour.  He's coming to pick me up soon and then we get to see each other and it will be so much better because I took the time to take care of myself.  There is some sort of tectonic shift happening for me where I'm realizing I don't have to hurt myself anymore to make things work out.  I don't have to sacrifice my comfort and well being in order to have a relationship.  I don't have to work with people - at least if it's my own show or my own work - that I don't really enjoy working with in order to create art.  I have choices.  So - so there is what is happening for me on Day 1998.  Love you Bluebie bye.