Friday, December 28, 2018


I'm so uncomfortable.  Physically and emotionally.  I didn't eat too badly at Christmas but I ate some sugar and some dairy.  The snake doctor has told me to stay away from these things and to basically break the sugar addiction.  Um so clearly I didn't do that over Christmas.  I could have brought stuff I guess but I didn't.  I had a brunch here at my house the day before and I made a casserole that no one liked really and a dessert that only like 2 of us liked.  That being said I will get better at cooking things and OH FUCKING WELL.  Jesus this is what is so hard about this - it feels like I am getting sober again and like I cant have all the stuff that other people have.  I can't drink, smoke eat dairy or sugar and soon - NO BACON IM SURE.  Deep breaths.  Fuck it's just discomfort and it will pass.  It is just super uncomfortable.  It's not excruciating it's just - uncomfortable.  I think you get the picture.  Anyway this morning I made a chocolate chia seed pudding and I think it's going to be delicious.  I love to cook so it's going to be fine and super healing.  And there is some reason some stored up shit for why I keep doing this.  I just need to let it through.  I will be better for it on the other side but right now I want pizza with a side of baked brie.  With ice cream!  I mean that's the problem - I ate all that shit at Christmas and now I'm detoxing.  Oh I see okay that is what is happening I'm detoxing.  Alright well I need to exercise.  Get my exercise on.  Do my little bit of yoga and then jog on the treadmill.  I'm up to 21 minutes now - that's pretty good. I guess today I will run a little bit faster too.  Here's a list of what I am going to try to do today.

1. Stay grateful - I live in this nice, quiet apartment and I get to just work on myself for hours and hours all the time.  Serious gratitude for that.
2. Exercise - it's one of the keys - major keys - my thinking shifts when I do and I feel so so much better walking around in my body throughout the day.
3. Drink water.  I get crazy when I'm dehydrated.
4. Eat healthy.
5.  Love big.  Love honestly.  Love through the discomfort.
6. Punch myself.

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