A Dream

I dreamed that there was this really fat guy - at least 400 pounds but on the shorter side so his fat was really sagging around him - right?  Well in the dream he kept tucking his fat back around himself - shoving it to the back of him so that it was making him look smaller in the front.  He was saying to me (and he was kind of squatting down and his back was pressed against the wall to help keep the shoved fat in place) "So when I do this trick I just pick up the fat and I shooooove it back.....once there's a good amount of it back there....I pick up some more and shoooove that back there...I work my way around this front fat and just keep shoving it to the back - see??"  Then he sort of turned around and showed me how all his fat was shoved and held back there by the wall and something else I didn't understand and how his front looked like he lost about 75-100 pounds.  WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT DREAM ABOUT???  Do I have an eating disorder now?  Always??  UGH.  Last weekend I dreamed my friend was showing me how she fed her cat and it was by putting him in a giant bowl of fruit loops and letting him swim around and eat in there.  I don't know.  all I know is today is day 6 of no dairy, sugar (except bacon and rotisserie chicken - HA) or gluten.  Well bread even of any kind.  I have to go into the city for a show and I am nervous because that's when I always seem to lose it.  After shows.  I just get so uncomfortable and then I want something.  I have to say I'm pretty fucking uncomfortable right now already and I'm still home!  I just need to do what I do here - plan and bring stuff with me.  I can do that.  Plus I am just going in, doing the show and leaving.  It won't be too long of night.  I have to say I feel better after writing in my journal and writing on here.  I didn't go to my meeting this morning and stayed home to meditate and write.  I'm glad I did that.  Okay - love you Bluebie bye.