Special Day.

Today is a special day because I am alive.  I have lived at least till today and done the best I can.  I am not really out of the woods totally with this cancer.  I still have treatment till November and no one has said I am in the clear.  However I am past a good portion of the treatment and certainly past the part that made me so sick.  I am healing from radiation and most importantly and this is the amazing part - I am appreciating my life.  I AM APPRECIATING MY LIFE.  Holy fuck.  I am also accepting WHO I AM.  Know what else?  Hold onto your fucking pussy hats for this one - I am FORGIVING MYSELF for shit in the past.  I don't fucking care how's that.  Oh well.  I have fucked up and oh well.  I don't care anymore.  Do you know why?  Because I don't have too.  I have to love myself and I can't fucking love myself if at the same time I am beating the shit out of myself because I was a jerk when my mother threw me a surprise 16th birthday party.  I honestly don't think she is thinking about it and so WHY THE FUCK AM I?  Who cares it's over.  This is today and I am enjoying today.  UGH - I'm over it.  We are going to go to diner in a little bit and got to a meeting.  I had a nice quiet day here and that was just what I wanted to do.  Okay I have to pee so bad.  I love you - bye.