Monday, July 24, 2017
I said it like it's a fun thing even though it made me feel sick to my stomach to write that. I have been freaking out about today, and then it just occurred to me about 20 minutes ago that I wont get the results for 2 weeks or so - maybe less but not today right? So now I feel a little more calm. Although I do feel weepy on and off. It seems a little crazy also doing this diet when I may just be dying but also I have PMS and I can't tell what the fuck is going on at all. I haven't been able to take my pain medicine for PMS because of the biopsy so I am just mess. I mean you know - like I said the other day - I'm not like a craaazzy mess like a psychotic throwing fits and just being nuts mess. But I am all over the place emotionally - ugh when am I not? I mean I have a lot of emotions - that's it! Throw in some hormones and a biopsy and it equals more emotions. The guy is going to come with me today thank God. I have the day off and I am super grateful for that. We went to see my family yesterday and it was so much fun. We had such a nice day trip and I took flowers from the farm. So to wake up here after a good nights sleep, seeing fresh flowers on the table - it's wonderful. We swam in the pool yesterday and I ate lots of meat - no cake! The guy had 2 pieces! Ha - that's some kind of fucking miracle that I didn't eat any cake. There's plenty of time for cake and lets face it - I have had plenty of cake. It does feel like I am white knuckling it a little bit with the no sugar but its only for 19 more days. Today is Day 11 for this diet and that's exciting. Exciting? Hmmmm - that's probably not the right word. Cool. Cool? Something?? It's a challenge and I am into challenges! Okay I need to get ready. I am really loving the Oprah/Deppak Choprah free meditation experience right now. It's fucking amazing. Love you Bluebie bye.