Thursday, July 27, 2017
I'm a total fucking mess. This diet alone is fucking hard but add waiting for lab results to come back plus PMS PLUS of COURSE I went to a Alanon meeting guess whose ex-wife was there? I mean are you fucking kidding me? I was so upset. SO SO UPSET. I took a picture of what I thought was her car and took the license plate also. At least I know what her car looks like. Well he also sent me a picture. I'm so fucking over it. What? I don't even know what that means or why I said it. I have got to find a way to be less negative. I'm so scared. I just wish they would call me and tell me the results you know? Maybe because nothing has happened that's good news. No news is good news? I did meditate and talk to one sponsee and that helped. I can go do that again. I'm sure I was going to run into her sometime. The worst part is I wasn't sure if it was her. Her hair was different and it was her creepy walk that made me realize it was her. She had gone to the bathroom I guess? Ugh you know what? Whatever. Maybe I should eat some cheese or a gallon of ice cream. This is a lot. Meanwhile I am at home. I'm at home and it's nice and quiet so that's great right? I'm going to call them hold on. Okay the doctor is supposed to call me by 4:00. COULD THIS BE ANY MORE FUCKING DRAMATIC??? Fuuuuucking a. Gross. Okay gotta go. Positive vibes. I'm grateful. I'm loved. I'm crying - holy shit I started to type that and then I completely choked on my own crying spit then sneezed like 50 times. Is that god's way of telling me to relax? Maybe. Byeee.